How we use sex to manipulat

Do you find yourself in a situation where someone else is making you
feel uncomfortable in terms of their sexual ideas or intent?

Are you starting to feel scared or worthless in the company of this
person?
If this sounds familiar, you may be falling victim to sexual emotional
manipulation.
Always an unhealthy situation
Sex and emotional manipulation is always an unhealthy and possibly
dangerous situation.

The fact is that emotional manipulation can hold a person
psychologically captive. What makes this kind of manipulation even
more dangerous is that the person being manipulated might not even
be aware that they’re being manipulated.
When another person or partner starts playing manipulative sexual
games with you, it should be a red flag and a warning sign that the
relationship or the sexual intent of the person may be warped and
dysfunctional.

A skilled emotional manipulator will try to gain your trust, and will
then slowly make sure they break down your self-worth and self-
esteem until you start feeling worthless. You may start doubting
yourself and your decisions.
In a sexual relationship, this creates a severe power imbalance. If
you’re in a situation like this, you’re most likely slowly entering into
an abusive sexual relationship.
Are you being manipulated?
Initially, it might be difficult to determine whether you’re in a
relationship where you’re being emotionally manipulated with sex.
Look for the following red flags:

• The person often lies about their sexual expectations or changes
their expectations to something that might seem unfair or unrealistic
to you.

• The person often spins the facts regarding your sex life to change
your perspective. In this way, he or she can covertly or overtly
intimidate you. For example, the person may use the following phrase:
“If you don’t have sex with me tonight, I’ll leave you or I’ll have sex
with someone sexier.” This kind of person is a master in “guilt
tripping”, and will make sure you feel bad about yourself if you don’t
meet their sexual needs.

• The person projects blame and plays the victim. He or she rarely
takes responsibility for their inappropriate behaviour and choices.
Beware of the sexual psychopath
In his book, Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the
Psychopaths Among us (1993), Prof Robert Hare describes an extreme
form of sex and emotional manipulation when he refers to the concept
of the sexual psychopath.
Hare points out that rape is a good example of the callous, selfish use
of violence by psychopaths and proposes that half of serial rapists may
be psychopaths.

Their behaviour, he writes, often results from a potent combination
of:

• Uninhibited expression of their sexual desires and fantasies
• A desire for power and control
• Perception of the victims as objects of pleasure and satisfaction
This idea of control is very important: when a person is involved in a
sexual relationship, you could say they’re revealing themselves;
they’re giving the most intimate aspect of themselves. Many
psychopaths realise this and make use of it in a manipulative way.

Sexual psychopaths want complete control over another individual and
are masters in manipulation. Sexual submission through their
manipulation tactics and emotional abuse is often the final step in the
objectification of the victim.

These dangerous individuals use the tools and techniques of mind
control to influence others. A sexual relationship in this situation
means that there’s neither informed consent on the part of the
victim, nor a relationship of equals, because the power is with the
deceiver. This makes it a situation of sexual abuse.

A psychopath will often create an intimate relationship which, in
turn, leads to a sexual relationship. The psychological abuse makes
the sexual abuse possible, and the sexual abuse amplifies the effects
of the psychological abuse.
Sexual psychopaths who have learned how to use sex to control and
manipulate are particularly destructive.
Typically, the psychopath’s victim first doesn't want to talk about it.

Without understanding what happened, the victim may blame him or
herself; they may think that they deserved the abuse; or be so full of
shame at what happened to them in the hands of the sexual
psychopath that it seems easier to try and forget the whole thing.
A dangerous game
Sex and emotional manipulation can become a rather destructive and
dangerous game.

If, in any relationship, you become aware of these dynamics, it’s
important to seek help immediately and to talk to someone who can
help you to either get out of the relationship or to assess why this
dynamic is taking place. Getting professional assistance and advice is
incredibly important.

- Health24

Posted in: Sex