Comedian Bovi shares his Last Night Experience with a Port Harcourt Prostitute!

had just resumed school for second
semester 300 level. This was February
2000. My mission was to storm port-
harcourt from abraka and surprise my
older sister who had just moved to
another apartment. All I had was the
address to the new apartment. I've
always loved to pull surprises and this
was my biggest one at the time. I
arrived ph in the evening via public
transport and traced her new place. Me
wey plan to surprise my sister con
surprise myself. She had not moved in.
Her present address, I didn't have. Gsm;
non-existent at the time, her office?
Closed. I was practically stranded in the
garden city. After recovering from my
rude shock, I took the first 2 foolish
decisions. I hailed a cab and told the
can to take me to a happening joint.
The type that runs all night. He told me
it was a Tuesday, the happening joints
really don't happen on Tuesday. I
insisted there had to be one. Well he
jad money to make, so he obliged me.
We got there. Dead end. Even the band
members and the Dj were off duty. We
tried a second spot. No luck. By this
time it was past 9pm. So it dawned on
me that I should have been looking for
a hotel. By the time I checked 2 hotels, I
realized that had I not made wayward
stops, I'd have been able to pay for a
room. Think Bovi, think! I asked again
where I could possibly chill till
daybreak. A commercial nerve.
Someone mentioned "opposite hotel
presidential." When I got to hotel
presidential; opposite it that is; I was
relieved. The groove was real. Outdoor
joints, several bar tenders. Pot bellied
men with pretty women drinking away
their stress. I found my spot, got a seat,
weighed my purse and saw that my vex
money had been severely eroded. I
couldn't even afford a drink. But hey, I
could watch. The ladies of the night
were present on their droves(soliciting
customers). It was a sight to behold. Of
they got lucky, they hopped into
vehicles of strange men. I enjoyed all I
saw until it was midnight and the
unexpected happened. All d joints
started to lock up. On no time it was
just me and the night nurses left on the
road side.
"Why you no go stay hotel" "why you no
go your sister house" "why she Neva
pack go her new house?" I had
answered all these questions repeatedly.
By now I was with the security of the
hotel, begging to share their space with
them till the earliest signs of daylight.
They weren't comfortable with me
there. They had even suggested I go to
ojuelegba, a spot on the famous Aba
road that hosted a retinue of low class
s*x workers (low in the sense that the
better s*x workers were the ones who
came opposite the hotel) I had turned
down the idea politely. Five minutes
later, a police patrol can sailed by
slowly with "victims" of their raid of
ojuelegba. I didn't believe my luck,
assuming it was luck. Not long after,
one of the busiest girls of the night
walked into the security post. I had
seen her severally that night. She had to
be the busiest of the girls. Leave in a
car, return in okada. That happened at
least 4 times.she inquired what the
problem was. For the 66th time, I
narrated. She paused for a while. I had
no idea what she was thinking. Then
quietly she asked to see the contents of
my bag. Two shirts, one trouser, soap
can with blue long sponge and body
cream. And identity card. Finish! She
thought for a while again and then
made me an offer. She asked me to
follow her to her apartment. I wasn't
sure what to do. Security didn't want
me there. From their eyes I could tell
this was my last offer. She "napkined"
on the bike ride to her house. This was
2am. A small living room and a room
with one bed ms living room was as
small as the room. It had no furniture.
She offered me her bed and slept on the
floor. I tries to refuse but she will have
none of it. I was her guest. I don't know
if I really slept cos my legs remained on
the floor with. Y back on d bed. By5 am
I was up. She offered me water to
shower but all I did was brush and
wash my face. Her brother came in not
long after without caring a second who
I was, he went straight to sleep. As I
made to leave, she untied an end of her
wrapper, brought out a wad of notes
and offered me 3 fifty naira notes. She
bade me farewell.Never to be seen
again till this day.